Nasal Assault
On TV shows, and in a lot of movies, people have things that nobody has in real life. For instance, on TV, some guy comes home from work, opens the fridge and gets out...
Author: Ashmatica
The Festive Spirit
One Sunday every month, in a small English town somewhere south of Manchester, market stalls spring up along the pedestrianised streets to attract fat-walleted locals from the surrounding area. On this particular Sunday, in...
A Poker Faced Encounter
Where was I? Oh yes, floristry. I currently have no job. This is great. I fill my days with activities of a satisfyingly horizontal nature, trying not to leave the TV on a channel...
Dropping Things
There are certain characteristic noises that can be heard in my rented flat. One is a manic squeaking and hammering of pipes whenever one uses the toilet – a phenomenon that started for no...
A Lack of Enthusiasm for Teleportation
Recently I went with some friends to a lovely country pub, to eat fish and chips on a Friday night, while the beautiful British summer howled against the window panes and soaked up the...
A Tale of Drunken Celebration and Annoying Repetition
*Warning. This post contains a first-person account of an evening under the influence of alcohol. Such material is only of interest to person or persons who experienced those events. Do not read.* I completed...
Ash-Matic Did an Exam
28/01 Like a gladiator walking into the colloseum, checking he hasn’t left his sword on the kitchen counter, I went into my exam, checking I hadn’t forgotten a pen. Of course I hadn’t. I...
Ash-Matic Did Revision
26/01 Technically, this post chould be called Ash-Matic Does Procrastinating. If Ash-Matic was revising, this post would not exist. But I want to save Ash-Matic Does Procrastinating for another time, because it’s something I’m...
Bad Decisions
Last weekend was horrible. Imagine the worst weekend you can imagine. Now stab yourself in the eyeballs while imagining it. That’s almost how bad last weekend was – except the screaming noises coming out...
Ash-Matic Does Affection for Animals
Just like most people, I am asked on an almost-daily basis what my favourite animal is. The only questions I am asked with greater frequency are, ‘What made you think that was a good...