Category: Blog posts

14

Applause

I live opposite a pub – which would be great if, a) I was deaf, b) I could afford to drink, and c) it wasn’t full of morons. Unfortunately, none of these things are...

18

The Tale of the Mysterious Bong

I was lying in bed the other night, working out exactly how I would melt the West Antarctic Ice Sheet to drown the low-lying areas of the world if I were a supervillain, when...

21

Doors

Yesterday I left the flat to go job hunting. Everybody goes about this arduous activity in different ways, but for me this involved walking down the street with my hands in my pockets, kicking...

21

Napping

If there’s one thing I have in common with Miss-Matic, Miss-Matic’s mother, and our cat – who adopted Miss-Matic’s mother only to be subsequently adopted by Miss-Matic and I under the somewhat false pretense...

25

Arts ‘n’ Crafts

Making Spiders   I hate spiders. They creep me the fuck out. Unfortunately I’m working on a super-secret project which entailed making little spiders out of wire. It took me a while to figure...

29

Nasal Assault

On TV shows, and in a lot of movies, people have things that nobody has in real life. For instance, on TV, some guy comes home from work, opens the fridge and gets out...

14

The Festive Spirit

One Sunday every month, in a small English town somewhere south of Manchester, market stalls spring up along the pedestrianised streets to attract fat-walleted locals from the surrounding area. On this particular Sunday, in...

20

A Poker Faced Encounter

Where was I? Oh yes, floristry. I currently have no job. This is great. I fill my days with activities of a satisfyingly horizontal nature, trying not to leave the TV on a channel...