Ash-Matic Does Facial Hair

Girls have it good. Don’t you think girls have it good?

You do.

They do.

Girls get to do certain special magical things that only girls get to do. And on top of all that, they get to do everything guys get to do as well. They even get to pee standing-up. It’s true, I’ve seen it. I peed squatting once, and that was quite nice, but is beyond the scope of this post. I’m not sure why I mentioned it.

But of the many things girls get to do that guys don’t, fucking about with their hair is the one that makes me jealous.

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Ash-Matic Does Things In Bed

Many of the best things in life happen in bed. Like sleeping, and dreaming, and having breakfast in bed. If you have a special person in your life, you can jump up and down on the bed with them, or kick each other out of the bed and laugh and stop them getting back in, or steal the duvet and pretend you’re asleep and have a really good grip when you’re asleep, so they can’t steal it back. Things like that.

I can’t think of many bad things that happen in bed. I had nightmares once, but they were all kinda cool.

The fact that everything that happens in bed is awesome has led me to an epiphany. You can make things you wouldn’t normally do in bed BETTER, by doing them in bed.

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Ash-Matic Does Self-Service

Self-service in super-markets is a wonderful thing. And when I say wonderful, I mean frustrating, error-prone, self-defeating, and shit. Of all the pieces of technology that piss me off, only printers are worse than these fuck-wit self-service machines.

Last night I was in my local supermarket, wishing to purchase the following items:

  • A crate of cheap cider – destined to pollute the lovely Miss-Matic’s stomach.
  • A couple of bottles of Indian beer; one Mongoose, and one Cobra. These two babies were going to battle it out for my affection.
  • A cake, made of layers of white and red stuff (or maybe red and white stuff – I forget).

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Ash-Matic Does Blogging

Everyone and their fucking dog has a blog. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve read more blogs by dogs than I have by people. Maybe it’s because they’re more interesting; maybe dogs just have more to say. You give a person the opportunity to talk about themselves and they’ll just post shit about their cat. You never see dogs posting about their cats. Doesn’t happen.

Anyway, it just so happens that I do have a cat. So regardless of what I just said, I might blog about my cat one day. Look, I’m sorry, but it’s not my fault that my cat is better than yours, you’ll just have to deal with it when the time comes.

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