Tag Archives: time warp

Ash-Matic Did an Exam


Like a gladiator walking into the colloseum, checking he hasn’t left his sword on the kitchen counter, I went into my exam, checking I hadn’t forgotten a pen.

Of course I hadn’t. I was armed to the teeth with a single biro, and five single back-up biros.

Invigilators prowled the room like hungry lions, ready to chomp down on the haunches of anyone with a phone, while the clock on the wall loomed large, counting down until the start of the exam like some kind of giant clock – only a little smaller.

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Ash-Matic Did Revision


Technically, this post chould be called Ash-Matic Does Procrastinating. If Ash-Matic was revising, this post would not exist. But I want to save Ash-Matic Does Procrastinating for another time, because it’s something I’m so good at I feel it would be an injustice not to give it the time and attention it deserves – so I’ll save that post for when I’ve finished looking up sea-cucumbers on Wikipedia, watching videos of other people having fun on Minecraft, or convincing myself I’m not looking at porn because it’s only erotic literature, darling.

Everybody knows that revision is boring. You take a bunch of stuff that was boring the first time you read it, and read it again. Then you go on Wikipedia under the false pretext of clarifying some point you don’t quite understand, but actually to find out a bit more about sea-cucumbers.

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