Everyone and their fucking dog has a blog. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve read more blogs by dogs than I have by people. Maybe it’s because they’re more interesting; maybe dogs just have more to say. You give a person the opportunity to talk about themselves and they’ll just post shit about their cat. You never see dogs posting about their cats. Doesn’t happen.
Anyway, it just so happens that I do have a cat. So regardless of what I just said, I might blog about my cat one day. Look, I’m sorry, but it’s not my fault that my cat is better than yours, you’ll just have to deal with it when the time comes.
But that day is not today. And this isn’t a blog about cats. This isn’t a blog about anything. In fact, this is my first attempt at social media.
‘What?’ – I hear you cry – ‘What about Facebook and all that?’
Well, I was never really interested in that. I’m kinda private. Why do I want you to see my pictures? I don’t even take pictures. It’ll be boring. There’ll be no pictures. Why do I want you to know that I got shit-faced and inserted something where no thing should be inserted? Because I don’t do that, it wouldn’t be true. I’ve never done that, not even when I was shit-faced, and I burned the pictures.
So I’m going to try blogging for a bit. It started by accident – I was avoiding doing something more important, and imagined myself as a blogger, and wrote something as if I were a blogger. Now it seems I am a blogger, in some weird wish-fulfilment kind of way, even though I don’t remember making any wishes.
I’ll draw some stuff too, because pictures make boring things easier to read. I won’t draw anything well; I’m no an artist and I’d rather spend time on the text – so it might help if you squint, or take the subject matter and find a better version from Google Images or whatnot. I use GIMP, which is free, and helpful, and worth supporting. I can’t guarantee that the text will be very interesting either, but I’ll try and pick the second-most exciting parts of my day to describe. The most exciting parts take place in the bathroom, but they’re private. I might draw them, though.
What makes me think that me and my dog have anything good to say? Well, I don’t have a dog, but if I did, he might say, ‘Hey! I’m not a he!’ because it might be a girl-dog. I don’t particularly mind if this isn’t read. I doubt I’ll promote it much, or tell any of my friends about it. Like I said, I’m kinda private. I’ll use this blog to vent a little. I’m somewhat grumpy, and it seems I’m growing ever more so, and I think I need some kind of outlet.
Why do it online? Well, I may hate things, but sometimes I like to keep in touch with things I hate. That’s while I read a tabloid newspaper every so often – if I don’t know it, how can I hate it? So if you want to read and comment so I can hate you or whatever, feel free, I’d appreciate it and I won’t hate you quite so much. I read a thing that said blogs only become successful if the author respects his or her readers. So let me set this straight: I probably hate you, but I possibly respect you.
Anyway, I think that’s quite enough introduction. Here’s a picture.